He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
