I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
