i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
