So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Life is so much better after having sex.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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