I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
