I think I won the penis lottery.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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