it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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