Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
