I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
