I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize