There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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