Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
