Is it because I queefed?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
