unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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