so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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