dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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