meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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