in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
