Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
it's like heaven, but drunker
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
