I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
