It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
