I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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