god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
