epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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