I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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