The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
