It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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