The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
