I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
