Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
