Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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