Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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