1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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