She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
