The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
