I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
