my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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