I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
