I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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