I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize