Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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