I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
