apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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