why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
