Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
