I wish my penis had an off switch
You work out of a Hotel?
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
