You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
