"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
