Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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