I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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