I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
