his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
