the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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