i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize