Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize