if you like me you must not know who I am
either way he was missing a nipple.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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