Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
