Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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