I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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