Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I think a kid would responsible me up
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
