Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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