literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
