Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
