grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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