My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
