She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
