At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just pee around me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
