I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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