just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
