I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
