haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
